Complete list of sex & self

Finding that balance

Balanced life…is that an oxymoron? Life is just that…LIFE! You never know what’s going to come your way, but as a business owner, spouse, parent, friend, etc. you must attempt to find that balance.

Running your own business can take a toll on you if you aren’t careful. I like to call it between a rock and a hard place. Why? Answer this question…what’s more important -- the kids that want attention or that 5 o’clock deadline for a client? Toughie, isn’t it? That balance is what I couldn’t find and it almost cost me everything.

How to find balance

Set limits

For me, I run a part-time Virtual Assistant (VA) business in addition to a full time career. I decided that I wanted to work no more than fifteen hours a week. Then I scheduled that time on a calendar I created specifically to make sure that I was staying on target. I also decided that I needed time off. Therefore, I set aside Friday nights. I don’t work on Friday night, period. If the kids are with their dad, then I spend time with my boyfriend, and on the Fridays that I have kids, its pizza and a movie night. I now look forward to Friday nights where as before I dreaded them immensely.

Prioritize

What can you give up? I have problems with the word “no”. If I’m asked to join something, I join; if I’m asked to do something, I do it. It doesn’t matter if I know I don’t have the time or not! I went through the “extra curricular”
activities that I had and deleted them from my schedule. There were two local organizations that I didn’t particularly enjoy but felt that I needed to attend their meetings and felt guilty when I couldn’t. I determined that I wasn’t getting anything out of going and that attending the meetings were more of a hassle than they were worth, and freed up some time.

Do you have clients that aren’t “meshing” with your ultimate goal? My very first client had work that needed to be done during the week.
Everything was honkey dory until something unexpected came up and then I would have to scramble to either do it myself, or find someone else to help me at the last minute. I finally had to re-evaluate the situation. I was able to find another VA that could take on his work, and there was a HUGE part of me that was sorry that I had to do that, but another part of me felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.

Household Chores

If your family is anything like mine, they believe that mom will do it and take care of it - I allowed it to happen. If I was particularly busy with work things, it didn’t get done and no one seemed to care. I CARED!! I didn’t want to live in a pigsty, and I wanted clean clothes, and dishes in the cupboard instead of having to wash something in order to use it! DELEGATE!! Your children can help! Your spouse can help!

Amazing concept, isn’t it?

With my family, I sat them down and explained the situation to them: “I enjoy my business and the money that I receive is for us. I can’t do it alone, so I can either give up my business and the vacation, remodeling, and so on that it will pay for; or, you all can pitch in and help around here.” I can tell you that none of them were happy about this, but they realized that I wasn’t just doing this for me.

Make it fun for your kids to help! I gave my kids checklists of things to do every morning before school and every evening before playing. As a reward, if they help me out with some of the chores, they get some of my time in the evening.
(I’d give it to them anyway, but this way, they feel like they are allowing me to have some free time with them. They feel good about helping me.)

Put a set cleaning schedule into place. I’m not a great housekeeper. I went online to find suggestions, advice, ANYTHING that would keep me on track. I found FlyLady and Organized Home.
Neither of them worked perfectly for me, but I was able to take some of their ideas and make them work for me. I gotta tell ya, FlyLady’s biggest challenge is to “go shine your sink” and I’ve accepted the challenge, and I now LOVE walking into my kitchen!

Dinners

Darn kids…I just fed them yesterday and they’re hungry again today! Every day, from 5:00pm to 5:30pm I would spend my entire drive trying to figure out what I was going to make for dinner.
We need easy meals, and most of ours came from a box. They are okay for awhile, but then….

GET A CROCK POT! My boyfriend got me an awesome crock-pot for Christmas. It’s what I asked for.
I used it all of twice and used the frozen crock-pot meals. I then had an epiphany! What if I planned my meals a week in advance and shopped for what I needed, and made them in the crock-pot?
(I’m a slow learner, I know!) So, I went online and found recipes that I was pretty sure the kids would eat and that were easy to throw together. I made my list and went shopping. The first night I made a crock-pot meal, we walked in the door (I had set the table when I came home for lunch) and ate! What a concept! No whining about being hungry and the question “when’s dinner?” for 30 minutes while I try to prepare!

Something else I’ve recently implemented is having the kids cook one night a week. You may laugh, but those PB&Js are the best meals, because I don’t have to make them!!

“Me time”

As a full-time employee, girlfriend, mother, friend, and business owner, I rarely got “me time”. For a long time, I saw my VA work my “me time” as it was work that I truly enjoyed.
However, work is still work. It wasn’t relaxing, and many nights kept me up until after midnight.
There was a time that I read in the evening before I went to bed, or watched TV. I finally realized that I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was “managing” everything else except me.

I started reading again, and I scheduled reading time. I now read almost every night. I treated myself to a manicure and pedicure and decided that I was going to do that at least once a month. I also joined an online class through Barnes and Noble University. The only cost for the class is the book. The class itself is free. I love to learn, so this suits me just fine. I’m taking a forensic science class, and I love it. Some nights, that’s my reading time.

For once, I’m taking care of me, and doing things for me and it feels great!

It takes time….

We still have some kinks to work out in the system, and things still come up out of nowhere and throw us all off, but we regroup and get it all back together. Are there some weeks that I’m working more than 15 hours? Sure! But I make sure that all the things I need and want to get done are done first. I’m not going to pass up that extra money unless I can realistically fit it in.

Am I fully balanced? No, and I never will be.
However, in one month’s time, everyone at my house seems to be happier. No one person or thing is being overlooked, or if it is, it’s not for very long. The house is cleaner, we’re eating better, and we’re spending more time together. I still have everything that I want and I’ve really not given up anything that I can’t live without.